


When Dick Met Cock

by FiccinDylan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Comedy, Crack, Feels, Gym AU, Gyms, HOW IS JUST THE TIP NOT A TAG?, I could have sworn it was..., Just in different ways, Just the Tip, M/M, Stiles Stilinski Has a Big Dick, This Is STUPID, but Kate and Jen still happened, if you will, sentient body parts, sigh, that's happening again, with a smattering of, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What are you doing, dude?!  Turn back!  You’re going to talk to him aren’t you?”  Stiles’ dick strains to get try and look at hot guy, but to no avail.  “Why are you putting me back into your undies?  Why are you stuffing me in these jeans?  Stiles, c’mon!  Let’s go talk to hot guy, waaaaaait!”  </p><p>or Stiles has a crush on the hot guy at the gym, but thinks the guy won't like him because of his monster cock.  </p><p>Yeah.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Dick Met Cock

**Author's Note:**

> You guys, I'mma be real with you! I kind of hit a major writer's block and I've had this on deck forever and finally just said, eff it all! and finished this sucker. It's not the best, but it's here dangit. It's here. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“So I start each _beautiful_ day with a protein shake or a meal replacement bar before hitting the weights and conditioning mats. After some boss curls, I mellow down with a whey smoothie and then I hit the courts. After that, usually I nom on a tasty salad with lean protein on the side -and some croutons if I’m treating myself, right bro?- and then I hit the spin studio. Everyone says spin is for girls, but Duke really knows how to keep the energy up! After that I go home and carbo load before I jump on the treadmill. _That’s_ Tuesday! On Wednesday-”

Stiles’ dick gives a bored twitch underneath the towel wrapped around him as this annoying gym rat talks off his owner’s ear. This kid always comes up and yaks at Stiles about something workout related. He thinks he remembers his name was Theo? He sighs inwardly as Stiles stows his shower caddy in his locker and tugs suggestively at the towel wrapped around his waist while looking expected at this Theo character who is still going on about his routine.

“So then after squash, I hit the tables… _the massage tables_!” Theo laughs and raises his hand for a high five which Stiles considers far too long to be polite, though the boy seems unperturbed. Stiles looks at Theo’s hand and then back on his own hand, still gripping his towel in front of him. He looks at Theo again, pleading at him with his eyes to just fucking get it already. Stiles’ dick knows that Stiles figures it was enough of a signal for the kid to turn away and let Stiles get dressed, but Theo seems unaware, or at least undisturbed by his owner’s need for privacy. Instead of looking away he simply stares at Stiles’ crotch expectantly. The little bastard even licks his lips a little.

“So, bro, what’s your routine?” Theo asks, scooting even closer to Stiles on the bench. His nose was now just over a foot away from Stiles’ cock. Stiles sighs.

“Dude, I don’t know, I don’t really have a routine, I’m not trying to be like, super buff or whatever.” And really, Stiles wasn’t. He was naturally skinny so he only wanted to develop the small amount of muscle he had. He also would like to up his strength a little, so he’s a fan of the hot yoga and pilates classes. Really, he spends most of his time in the sauna, or on the benches at the squash courts. On the benches because he was terrible at squash, but he loves to watch it played. Or rather, he loves to watch a certain _someone_ play.

A certain someone who’s just walked into the locker room.

Stiles’ dick strains against the towel trying to get a glimpse of the guy that his owner’s eyes signaled to him has arrived. Theo continues rambling to Stiles about calorie counting or fitbit or some shit, while nearly drooling towards Stiles’ crotch. Stiles finally hears Theo saying something about colonics and looks down to see the young man looking up at him from behind his lashes, batting them slyly and winking at something he’d just said. Stiles shudders and hisses at the boy.

“Dude, get the fuck out of here!”

Theo balks, “Whoa, harsh bro. I was just trying to be friendly!”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Stiles sighs in apology, but then coyly gestures to the man who’s just walked into the locker room and removed his towel, drying his hair while his still wet buns glisten on display. “It’s just that… that guy owes me money and I gotta kick his ass and I don’t want you to be a witness. They might kick us out of the gym!”

Stiles’ dick is pretty impressed by his owner’s ability to think on his feet though Theo just looks slightly confused and then distraught at the thought of being kicked out of the gym. The tool. He shrugs and heads out drawing the attention of hot guy as he passes. Hot guy -who still has a towel draped over his head as he rummages through his locker- chances a small glance over his shoulder to Stiles. Stiles nods awkwardly and quickly turns back to his locker.

‘ _Oh shit, that guy is hot like burning!_ ’ Stiles’ dick thinks as it strains against the towel. Stiles’ eyes only got a cursory glance, but it was enough to send hot pics of hot guy’s broad, tan and unfairly muscular back, decorated with a tattoo of a triskelian and for Stiles himself to freak the fuck out as silently as possible. “ _Damn, if Stiles is acting like this, I gotta see for myself!_ ” his dick surmises, “ _With my own eye!_ ”

Stiles suddenly gets lightheaded and the next thing he knows, his back is to the lockers, his towel is on the floor and his dick is pointing straight at the hot guy like a divining rod for Stiles’ thirst. The guy looks… well, _concerned_ to say the least as he steps forward, mouth agape, reaching out a hand to help Stiles. Both Stiles and his dick can’t help but notice as the guy’s gaze slips down to his cock.

“That’s okay!” Stiles squeaks inelegantly as he jumps up and turns back to his locker, his full body blush betraying his attempt at being casual. He hears nothing for a moment, but then figures hot guy must have turned back to his locker because when Stiles peeks over his shoulder all he gets is another eyeful of hot guy’s delicious looking buns.

“ _Fuuuuuuck…_ ” he seethes under his breath, and turns quickly when he sees hot guy’s buns flex. He could have sworn what he hissed wasn’t that loud, but now he’s even more mortified before. His dick is confused.

“What are you doing, dude?! Turn back! You’re going to talk to him aren’t you?” Stiles’ dick strains to get try and look at hot guy, but to no avail. “Why are you putting me back into your undies? Why are you stuffing me in these jeans? Stiles, c’mon! Let’s go talk to hot guy, _waaaaaait_!”

If Stiles could hear his dick, the last part would be muffled as Stiles flies out of the locker room and hauls ass to his apartment six blocks away. He gets inside, slams the door and immediately drops his jeans, grabbing his crotch roughly.

“You’re a fucking menace, you know that?!” Stiles seethes at his dick which, despite everything, is still half hard. “That guy probably thinks I’m a total creep!” Stiles sighs in frustration and strips the rest of his clothes heading towards the bathroom. His dick ponders the situation.

“Well sure, maybe we were a little bit forward, but I think that guy would respond to it like a compliment, right? C’mon, Stiles! Perk up!” It was times like this that Dick wishes Stiles could hear him. He and Stiles used to have such a wonderful and close relationship, and then suddenly he guesses he grew a little too big. Every night of 8th grade Stiles would measure and be disappointed, and then suddenly a growth spurt kicked him in the ass and Stiles was a hit! He was so happy except when one part of his anatomy just kept growing… and _growing_.

Most of the boys at Stiles’ highschool had average dicks though they talked them up a great deal. To see a real schlong? In 9th grade on a scrawny kid who may be taller, but was still kind of gangly and awkward? Well that was just bullshit according to the boys in Stiles’ PE class. They teased and bullied him mercilessly and instead of being cocky about it (ahem), Stiles seemed to withdraw.

He’d wear compression briefs under boxers and then the thickest, baggiest jeans he could find. He’d change out in a bathroom stall or just wait until he went home. Hell, he practically ignored his poor dick except when he needed to pee or jack off. Like he was doing now in the shower.

“I’m such an idiot! There’s no way that guy would go for me,” Stiles bemoans as he runs a soapy hand up and down the length of his cock. “Even if I could get him to look past my spastic personality, then he’d have to deal with my monster cock! He’s so big and bulky that he probably only tops, though I’d love to have him writhing under me, all that fucking muscle taking this giant do- _shit!”_ Stiles comes hard against the shower walls and his dick starts panting as the water rinses him off.

“ _Well, as much as I’d love to have hot guy’s ass around me, I’d be completely fine with his hand or mouth._ ” Stiles’ dick adds his own commentary to the situation, despite knowing Stiles never hears him, “ _Does Stiles really think he could never like us? I think we’re great! What’s so bad about us anyway? We’re pretty fucking great!_ ”

Stiles climbs out of the shower and air dries as he heads straight to the freezer and pulls out a bottle of vodka. His dick sighs.

“ _Well, it looks like it’s a self loathing drunk night. Dammit Stiles. What’s it gonna take for you to see how awesome we are?_ ” Dick resigns himself to his fate as his body begins to react to the alcohol flowing through his system.

***

Derek walks out of the showers and into the locker room, trying not to be obvious when he looks over to where ‘ _guy with the delicious looking donger_ ’ usually stores his stuff. The space is empty. Derek panics for a moment, but then calms himself quickly.

“Don’t freak out, Derek. Not everyone is a gym rat like you, it’s fine.” He starts to open his locker when he sees another gym rat enter into the locker room. It was the same kid from the day before, shit, he’s here even more than Derek. They sometimes even partner in squash together, not that Derek notices all that much, especially when Delicious Donger is in the stands.

“You gotta start calling him, _DD_ , dude. One day you’re gonna say that out loud and it’s gonna be super awkward. Now get yourself together and go ask that Leo guy about our boy!” Derek looks down as his cock and nods imperceptible before turning to the gym rat.

“Hey, it’s Leo, right?” He asks the boy whose face crumples.

“Bro, it’s Theo, we’ve played squash together like, a dozen times, _Derek_.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” Derek says, trying (and failing) to appear to care. “Hey, do you know where that other kid is? I, uhh… owe him some money and I don’t want him to kick my ass.”

‘ _I want him to fuck it_.’ is what goes unsaid as Theo looks at Derek’s muscles, completely unconvinced of Derek’s worry. The normally affable boy, rolls his eyes and shrugs.

“I don’t know where he is, dude. I tried to chat him up yesterday, but he’s always so damned preoccupied. He’s usually here for hot yoga though so maybe tomorrow?” Theo rakes his eyes up and down Derek’s still dewy body, “How much money do you owe him anyway? I’m sure he’d let you work it off in a different way.” He says with a raise of his brow. Derek scoffs and turns away.

“It was $.50 for a pack of _Reese’s Pieces_. He’s just really principled.”

Theo huffs and walks towards the showers as Derek pulls his stuff from his locker.

“Finally, I hate that guy. Look, Derek, we need to discuss what happened yesterday, we’re always so in tune with each other, what happened? Why didn’t you say anything to DD?” Derek’s cock implores him. Derek looks around quickly and then down to his dang dang. They’ve been eerily in tune to one another since Derek was a kid. He chalked it up to a wolf thing though other members of his pack didn’t seem to have the same connection with their nether regions.

Even Derek had a period of denial, effectively blocking the contact. During that time he made two very huge and costly mistakes, namely Kate and Jen. Kate ended up burning his childhood home to the ground (thankfully none of his family were inside) and Jen.. well, he still shudders when he thinks about Jen.

Ever since then he’s made sure to be in sync with his cock and it’s never lead him astray. Especially now with a tasty piece on the horizon. If Derek could muster up the courage to ask the guy out.

“He’s so beautiful! His skin is so creamy and he’s got all those little moles that I just wanna lick. They look like little drops of chocolate! And have you seen him during pilates? He’s so long and lean and those fucking arms! He’s getting strong too, I bet he could hold us up with no problem, and balance us on that ridiculous monster cock of his. Did you see that thing? I bet he has to use two hands to jack off. I want our ass to be those hands!”

“Okay, Derek, shit! Calm down, we’re in public!” Derek clears his throat and looks around again making sure they’re still alone. Oh man, he’s so socially constipated, DD is gonna think he’s a freak. But as long as he thinks it while Derek is riding his cock, he figures the rest will work itself out.

“Alright, he’s supposed to be here tomorrow. Let’s go have a steam and we’ll work out our game plan for tomorrow.”

“When we see him, just let me do the talking!” Derek nods and heads to the steam room with images of DD on his mind.

*****

The next day Stiles goes to the gym and rushes through his workouts, finishing up his hot yoga with a quick shower facing towards the corner of the room. As soon as he shuts the water off, he grabs his towel and wraps it tightly around his waist.

He walks quickly into the locker room and towels off facing his open locker. His dick jumps slightly and Stiles looks down confused before looking around the room. _Fuck_ , hot guy is there, and he’s looking at them! Hot guy waves sheepishly and Stiles turns away. His dick deflates.

“Sigh, it’s no use. Evidently we’re not good enough for hot guy or his pretty looking cock that would go so great on our tongue and down our throat and… _shit_ , we’d be so good together, but Stiles doesn’t seem to think so.”

“What’s a Stiles?” Dick hears from somewhere.

“What? Who’s there?” Who is Dick hearing and more importantly, who is hearing _him_? He’s a dick!

“Hi, I’m Cock. Derek’s to be exact. We like you and your owner. Oh wait, is he a _Stiles_?”

At that very moment, Stiles turns slightly to the side while pulling something out of his bag and hot guy… er, - _Derek_ evidently- turns to his side so Dick can see just a smattering of Cock. Just the tip, if one will.

“Uhh, yeah.. oh my God, you’re so beautiful! Shit, Stiles is gonna kill me. Umm, yes, he’s a Stiles and I’m his dick and we like you, but we know you don’t like us so... wait, you just said you liked us?!” Dick twitches and Stiles sits down on the bench, suddenly light headed.

“We do.” Cock explains, but then questions, “But what did you mean when you said we didn’t like you?”

“Well evidently we’re too big and since you’re a big guy, Stiles thinks you only top. Man,, this is weird, us talking, but I’m glad because I mean… you’ve seen us. We’re… we’re not like, _hideous,_ right? Wait, you called us beautiful didn’t you? Sorry, sometimes it takes my brain a little longer to get the signals to me.”

Cock chuckles (as much as a cock can chuckle, one guesses), “Yes, Dick. We think you’re beautiful. We love his frenetic energy and his cute little nose and big brown eyes.”

“He’s got another brown eye you might be interested in.” Dick responds, suddenly emboldened. “And you don’t mind how big I am? That was a real concern for Stiles. He’s afraid he’ll have to bottom all of the time which he really doesn’t mind, but I know we’d both be missing out if I never got a chance to get acquainted with _dat_ ass.”

“I’m a werewolf.” Derek says suddenly, fully turned to face Stiles who is gingerly stepping into his briefs across the room. He almost falls over as it’s the first time hot guy has ever spoke to him. He regroups and pulls up his underwear so fast, his tip is sticking slightly out of his fly. He doesn’t notice as he gapes at Derek. He points to himself.

“What? Are you… were you talking to me?” Stiles asks hopefully.

Derek nods, trying to reign in the blush that’s overtaking his body as he stares into Stiles’ wide, topaz colored eyes.

“Yeah… uhh. I’m Derek and I’m a werewolf, so I have werewolf healing.”

Stiles finally blinks and nods. Werewolves were pretty common in their society and they functioned just like humans in that most just wanted to live regular lives though there were a few bad apples. Either way, Stiles has nothing against werewolves, though he’s curious as to why this information was being shared with him. He opens his mouth twice before spitting out, “I have no idea what’s going on right now!”

Derek is about to explain when Leo comes in from the showers.

“It’s _Theo_ , bro! C’mon, Derek, geez!” Theo exclaims after looking at the lost expression on Derek’s face. He turns and winks at Stiles, “Hey, Stiles, how was the workout? You’re peeping a little there, bro.”

Stiles looks down to where Theo is pointing at the tip of his dick peeking from his fly and groans as he slowly blanches. He buries his head and his hands before shoving his dick roughly into his underwear (drawing sympathetic hisses from both Derek and Theo), pulling on his sweats and running from the locker room as fast as he can.

“What’s up with him?” Theo asks casually, turning to a fuming Derek.

“I hate you, Theo.”

***

Stiles rushes home and tries to figure out what the fuck happened back at the gym. Hot guy talked to him! Sure, it was to randomly tell him he was a werewolf, but why? “Werewolves are pretty mainstream,” He pontificates to himself, “There’s not really a need to disclose unless you wanted to be friends or… start dating?”

Did hot guy… er, Derek, want to date him?!

“Holy _shit_ , even with my monster cock?” He says as he palms said cock, squeezing lightly as he imagines Derek’s lips gliding over it. The few times he’d gotten with romantic partners, they’d look at his dick like it was a joke. One girl even slapped him and left the apartment calling him a freak. Another guy asked if he could take a picture to show his friends. Stiles hasn’t really dated since then.

He glances towards his freezer, but decides instead to pull out his laptop and see if there’s a vinyasa class the next day he can take. He knows he’s seen hot guy in there before, the poses all work to strengthen his core, though they’re very suggestive. Provocative, even. Maybe, just maybe he can see if hot guy checks him out during class. He finds a class that corresponds with when Derek is usually there and clears his schedule to make it. He looks down at his dick.

“Shit, is this happening?”

“ _I certainly hope so_!” Dick says excitedly, luxuriating in the glide of Stiles’ hands over him and actual attention from his owner, even though he’s sure Stiles thinks it’s only one-sided.

After a few moments, Stiles comes hard and then gets up to shower before going out for the night. That evening he sleeps and is well rested for the gym the next afternoon.

***

Stiles walks into the class and his eyes land on Derek immediately. Really, how could they not? The man was a tall, hirsute column of muscle that Stiles wants to mount and claim as his own. He swallows hard and walks towards him.

“Uh, hey.. Umm, Derek, right?” Stiles greets Derek, immediately regretting how terribly awkward he’s being. Derek doesn’t seem to notice and just smiles.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you.”

“Really? Oh my god.” Stiles’ eyes light up as Derek nods and blushes.

“Hey Dick, how’s it going?”

“It’s going good, Cock. I can’t wait to see you later. I wish I could see you right now but I’m in this compression cup and these fucking yoga pants.”

“We’re free balling it and the pants are pretty sheer. Looks like your guy has definitely noticed.” And Cock isn’t wrong as Stiles’ brain sends a picture of Stiles nearly glaring at Derek’s ass as Derek positions his mat on the floor.

“Yeah, Stiles is pretty obsessed. I think he’s coming around to Derek asking him out.”

“Stiles?” Derek says, drawing the young man’s attention away from his crotch to his hazel, piercing eyes.

“What?! Wait… _what_? How?” Stiles sputters, trying to keep from flinging himself onto the man.

“Your name is Stiles, right?”

“Yeah, but how did you know that?” If Stiles weren’t caught in a haze of lust (and if it weren’t already so damned hot in that room), it might occur to him to worry that Derek knew his name, but Stiles was flattered and faint. He’s sure there’s a reasonable explanation.

“You can’t hear them?”

“What, now?”

“Alright everyone let’s get into position so we can begin!” Theo takes his place at the front of the class and both Derek and Stiles audibly groan. Theo narrows his eyes, throwing them a look, “No more talking for the remainder of the class.” he orders. Stiles and Derek glare at him before looking at each other and grinning while getting into position.

The class is every bit as illuminating and sexually frustrating as Stiles knew it would be. With every pose he sees a new part of Derek’s body he wants to come on and lick clean. With every bend he finds a new groove he wants to stick his dick in. He wonders if Derek feels the same way? He’s certainly looking. Everytime Stiles glances at him, he sees Derek’s eyes are sightseeing on a new spot on his body. He finds it refreshing that it’s not just his cock though Derek has basically Air B&B’d a vacation home there for his eyes.

For the first time in a long time though, Stiles doesn’t really mind. The attention makes him feel nice and Derek isn’t looking at him in disgust, but actual appreciation? Huh! Stiles is pleased by the events of the day and already knows he’s going to jack himself raw as soon as he gets home so he forgoes the shower and heads straight to the locker room to change. Derek is right behind him.

“As I was saying yesterday-” Derek begins as Stiles startles, unaware that the wolf was so close behind him. Derek puts out a placating hand, but Stiles gestures for him to continue. Derek clears his throat. “Yesterday, I was telling you that I was a werewolf.”

“Ohhh-kay.” Stiles says, while thinking the chant ‘ _don’t fuck this up, don’t fuck this up, fuck him up, fuck that pretty little ass right up his fucking pretty little_ -”

“-why that’s important?” Derek finishes. Stiles gawps. Shit, in trying not to fuck it up, he’s already fucked it up. How does one even respond to a sentence fragment like that? Stiles nods and then shakes his head.

“Important.” He said resolutely. Derek watches him closely for a moment before exhaling and giving Stiles a small smile. Stiles nearly crumbles in relief as he tries to renew his attention on Derek’s every word. Coming out of Derek’s pouty, pouty, hot pink mouth. His lips are so wide and that stubble could do some real damage to Stiles’ inner thighs. Damn, Stiles really hopes he doesn’t fuck this up so that can happen. But he shouldn’t really, he was doing an awesome job of listening and-

“I can take a lot of things that others may balk at.” Derek finishes again, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding to Stiles. Fuck, what? Stiles swallows and takes a step back, the bench hitting the back of his calves.

“Take them where?” He asks. Derek frowns and Stiles throws his hands up, “I’m so sorry, Derek. I have no idea what you’re talking about! How do you know my name? Trying to make sense after hot yoga is hard in general, but especially when all my blood is in my dick because you’re so fucking hot and I can’t believe I just said that I’m so sorry! Oh shit, I’ve been trying not to fuck this up and here I am fucking it up! I’ve fucked it up and now you’ll never talk to me again! I’ll just.. I guess I’ll just go!” Stiles turns towards his locker and begins fiddling with his locker. He hears a huff behind him and turns back, noticing Derek is… still standing there?

The wolf grins, “Thanks, you’re pretty hot too.”

“What?!” Stiles yelps! Derek puts up both hands and Stiles gestures at him to continue.

“As I was saying, I’ve gotten my whole fist up there before. It wasn’t comfortable, but only because of the angle. I wouldn’t mind trying it again.” Derek says with a lick of his lips and a leer downwards to Stiles’ weeping eye. Stiles follows the gaze to an obvious wet patch on the front of his pants and covers it quickly with his hands.

“Stiles, no!” Dick protests, “Derek thinks we’re beautiful! Let me go, let’s go jump on him right now, do it!”

Derek raises an anticipatory eyebrow to Stiles who still looks completely flummoxed.

“Omg, Cock, have your guy drop his pants!”

“Derek, drop your pants!”

“You can’t hear them, can you?” Derek says, finally filling up the silence. Stiles looks around.

“Here what? Who?”

“The… uhh… _ahem_ , the voices?” Derek says, having the good sense to look slightly sheepish. Stiles’ eyes roll upward as he flails his arms out.

“Oh fuck me, of course hot guy is crazy!” Stiles looks back at Derek, placing a hand gingerly on his shoulder, “You’re hearing voices? Is this a regular thing, because it’s _not_ a dealbreaker. If there’s a deal being made here. Am I reading this wrong? I’m feeling oddly bold and that usually leads to some bullshit. You’re not going to kick my ass are you? Are you going to kill me and keep my head in your freezer?”

“Well, _kicking_ your ass wasn’t what I had in mind.” Derek says, feeling the heat of Stiles’ hand still on his shoulder and eyeing Stiles’ mouth.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Theo says as he walks into the locker room. “Is it weird that this place always seems empty? Like we’re the only ones who ever come in here?”

“Get the fuck out, Leo!” Derek yells.

“Yeah! You, dick! Go work out!” Stiles yells without breaking eye contact with Derek. Theo looks between the two.

“I hate you guys. And it’s _Theo_!” He mumbles angrily. “I should go work this anger off in Duke’s spin class, yeah!” He high fives himself and then exits out the same door he came in. Derek speaks again, his eyes roaming fondly over Stiles’ face.

“Werewolves are usually pretty tuned in to our bodies. I’ve developed a kind of subconscious communication with certain parts and I’m able not only to interpret those communicae, but I can also respond.” Derek reaches a hand out tentatively and lays it on Stiles’ waist. Stiles considers the hand briefly as Derek continues. “Recently, I found that I could not only hear my own parts, but also the parts of certain interested parties.”

Stiles’ eyes widen and a fierce red blush travels through his body as he tries to process what Derek just said.

“Wait, dude! Are you telling me you can hear your dick? Wait, your dick can talk? I mean, I know my mom used to say that sometimes they seemed to have minds of their own, but I never really thought too deeply into what that meant. And wait, you can hear _other_ dicks?”

“No,” Derek says, shaking his head, “Just one.” He clarifies, looking down again at Stiles’ crotch.

“ _What_?!”

“Your dick wants me.”

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t explain-”

“Your dick wants mine, and mine wants yours.” Derek says as he drops his pants allowing his dick to be released in all of its uncut glory.

And damn was it glorious. Long and thick, tapered at the end with a soft looking hood. Nestled in a trimmed bush of velvet black hair and lain on a fuzzy pair of low hanging balls. It was perfect. When Stiles is finally ( _finally_ ) able to tear his eyes away from Derek’s cock he sees the wolf has his fangs out and his eyes bleed alpha red. Stiles nearly gets lightheaded as Derek watches him expectantly.

Stiles laughs nervously and scratches at the back of his neck.

“Umm, I know you’ve seen it, but there’s something you should know about my dick.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“It’s.. it’s fuckin’... well, you’ll see.” Stiles says as he squeezes his eyes shut and drops his pants. He can feel his dick swell as it rises to try and see all of Derek for itself. Stiles waits in the silence and when he can’t take it anymore, pries open one eye looking in Derek’s direction. Derek has one hand on his cock as he eyes Stiles’ package fondly. Stiles blushes.

“I was a late bloomer, but then it just kept… I know it’s weird, and probably way too big, it’s… it’s-”

“Perfect.” Derek says, meeting Stiles’ gaze. “It’s perfect, Stiles. Bold and beautiful, just like you.”

Stiles’ smile is mirrored by Derek’s which only seems to make Stiles even more lightheaded.

“Derek… that’s.. That’s so sweet, dude. I-”

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Uhh, hell yeah!”

“And you’ll fuck me, right?” Derek clarifies, “In case that wasn’t clear, I really want you to fuck me.”

“Uhh yeah, I’m going to wreck that ass?”

“Was that a question?”

“Losing a lot of blood here, man. Extra because my cock is so huge.”

Derek nods and signals towards the door. “Let’s go.”

“You may have to carry me, but I’m only like six blocks over.”

“Hop on my back.” Stiles laughs and then nods at Derek’s serious expression.

“Oh! Fucking- okay, here I come big guy!”

Stiles rides on Derek’s back on the way to his apartment, and then Derek rides Stiles’ dick for the rest of the night.

Stiles wakes up the next morning to a suckling on his cockhead. He can’t help but smile.

“You’re amazing little big guy. You make werewolf healing really _mean_ something.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a freak!” Stiles says, covering his eyes with his hand as Derek continues rhapsodizing about his dick. He feels a little squeeze on his shaft and looks down at the wolf’s flashing eyes.

“Hey, be kind to yourself. You’re mine and I don’t keep trash.”

“I’m yours?” Stiles says, with a slight raise of his brow. Derek shrugs.

“Well your dick wants to keep me, so I’d say yeah.”

Stiles grins and leans forward to kiss the wolf. Derek kisses him back, and then turns back to Stiles’ dick to tell it how beautiful it is. Stiles agrees.

***

Two Years Later

***

“So… is your ass sentient too? Because I have some things to say to it.”

Stiles is situated between Derek’s legs, massaging his cheeks. Derek makes a big show of flexing his buns and pretending to listen intently.

“Hmm… my ass is interested in what you have to say. You may proceed.”

Stiles gets right down to Derek’s hole and whispers something so quietly the wolf can barely hear it. _Barely_.

“Stiles!”

“Hmm?”

“Did you just?”

“Did I just what?”

Derek turns around and pulls Stiles into his lap, wrapping his arms around his idiot of a boyfriend.

“Did you just ask my ass to marry you?” Derek’s hazel eyes search Stiles’ own espresso ones, looking for the mischief that’s so inherent to the boy. All he sees is love.

“Damned right I did. Now…” Stiles says as he pushes Derek back on the bed and rolls his back over onto his stomach. He leans forward and kisses the triskele on his back.

“Jiggle once for yes, and twice for _hell yeah_.”

 

 

“ _Hell yeah_!”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If that didn't completely turn you off, I hope you'll stick around for my entries in the [Sterek Summer Spectacle](http://sterekshelter.tumblr.com/summerspectacle). We have an amazing team and a lot of fun things planned so stay tuned!


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